Since getting sober and having the willingness to work a program, I often struggle with feeling superior towards many of my fellows who do not have a program. This is because, in addition to spotting my character defects, I’ve also gotten into the habit of spotting other people’s character defects. This is pointless because it inevitably leads to me getting puffed up with self righteousness which then leads to anger which is one letter away from danger. Case in point: The other day my supervisor (I refuse to call her my boss) emailed me a “gentle reminder” saying she noticed I went 10 minutes over my lunch hour and that I should “Please be reminded that only a one hour lunch break is permitted”. Meanwhile, I’ve seen her take several long lunch hours for various appointments, as well as make several personal phone calls throughout the day. But, that’s the beauty of being a supervisor in corporate America— you can delegate to subordinates while littering your side of the street and they can’t utter a word about it. Now I’m starting to get self-righteous and angry so I might want to consider what I can learn from this person. Let’s see… restraint of tongue and pen, humility and tolerance immediately spring to mind and those are all good things—good in the sense of spinach and broccoli good. I only eat those vegetables because I know they help maintain my good health. It’s certainly not because they taste good and nor do restraint of tongue and pen, humility and tolerance. But I choose to pick them up because they provide a buffer from my defects. And while it might initially feel good to throw feces at someone whose feces annoy the crap (no pun intended) out of you, the repercussion can be downright unpleasant, ie: a huge emotional hangover that can last for days. (For those of you who are not familiar with the term "emotional hangover", it’s when you pick up a character defect and allow it to own you. In the process, other people’s toes are stepped on which then causes them to retaliate which can lead to even more character defects exploding all over the place and, before you know it, you are filled with stress, bitterness and resentment which can prevent a good night’s sleep and leave you feeling hung-over the next day.)
Yeah, ummmmmm, this isn’t a good look for me. I don’t wear it very well. I wear restraint of pen and tongue much better. Thus, I now go to great lengths to avoid these emotional potholes, sometimes by avoiding the street altogether. Sometimes that's not possible (my day job is on a street that is filled with potholes) so I try and thank God for the experience instead; I know it’s preparing me for what lies ahead. You can’t participate in the Olympics without training first. And I know God has a lot of work for me to do. So I guess rigorous training is absolutely necessary. Bring. It. On.
Thu, August 18, 2011
by Grace Weaver filed under